my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize