dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
