Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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