I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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