your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wear drunk well.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
