a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
