Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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