I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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