By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We are two peas in an std pod
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
