Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
