That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
