can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
