You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
