I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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