oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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