So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
