There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
