How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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