he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
