i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
