after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize