Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
