i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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