I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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