I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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