Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
