He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
