you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
