Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
