we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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