I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
