i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
