i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
