At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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