My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A+ Viking dick
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
