my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
