I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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