Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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