I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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