Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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