So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
