no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
