it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize