Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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