Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
