he puts the penis in happiness.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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