I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
