he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
