I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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