I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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