My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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