Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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