I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
