Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
