I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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