Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
