covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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