I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
