Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There r osticjed everywhere
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
