I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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