Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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