i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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