Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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