Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
