Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate all girls vehemently.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
