A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
