Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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